Real Housewives of New Jersey recap: Best Frienemies Forever

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This week’s episode starts with Melissa and her kids going to visit their daddy at his muddy job site. Then Joey gets a call to do a billboard for Sizzle Tan. Joey wants Melissa to do the shoot with him, but she declines. Teresa did a commercial for Sizzle Tan years ago and Melissa doesn’t want to be accused of copying Teresa again. She says she’s busy anyway with the photo shoot for the cover of her book that is about to be released. Then she jumps in the Bobcat because she tells Joey that she knows how to do everything. Then she tears up his job site and about runs him over. Joey tells her to stick to making him dinner as he laughs at her.

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On display, on display, on display each and everyday!

Teresa is busy making Sunday dinner. They’re hosting the Gorgas since everyone has kissed and made up. The kids are very excited to see their cousins and have some playtime.

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Let us play, ya old trolls!

Caroline is at Jacqueline’s house talking about their weekend at the retreat. Melissa is there too and she tells Jac that they made up with Teresa and Joe. Caroline shares with Jac that her and Teresa made an agreement that Teresa would finally make up with Jac. Caroline tells her just to meet her, be cordial and try to make up with Teresa so she can focus on Nicholas without the distraction of fighting with Teresa. Caroline tells her if they still can’t work it out after they meet and talk then just forget it. Jac doesn’t feel that she can trust Teresa.

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I’d rather bleach my … then make up with Teresa!

The Gorgas arrive at the Giudice’s home for dinner. The kids are ecstatic to see one another. Joey tells Gia that she has gotten so big and looks like a teenager. He wants to take her somewhere fun for her birthday because he missed out on an entire year of hanging out with her. Gia is Joey’s Godchild and he wants to get back to being close and spending quality time with her. Gia looks very happy about hanging out with her zio Joey for some one on one time. Melissa asks Teresa if she thinks it’s great they’re getting along again. Then she tells Teresa to keep being a good little girl so there won’t be any problems between them. Teresa flips it on Melissa and tells her look who’s talking, but is willing to suck it up for their children.

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I brought your favorite, sprinkle cookies!

Everyone toasts to family at the dinner table then Melissa shares with Teresa that her and Caroline told Jac that Teresa wants to make up with her. Teresa says she’s still stuck on all the things Jac did to her like saying on tv that Juicy cheated on her, told Melissa and Joey that Teresa set Melissa up at the Posche Fashion Show, went after Danielle and had her arrest record faxed to her and she turned on her own sister-in-law, Dina. She’s just not completely sure she can make up with Jac. Juicy tells Teresa that he’s tired of hearing about her drama with Jac and that she needs to get over it.

Christopher and Albie are working on opening their restaurant, Little Town in Hoboken. Christopher is excited and says everyone wants to work at their restaurant; so it will be great. Albie is stressed and just wants to get the restaurant up and running so he can have money in the bank because he isn’t getting any working for Blk water.

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I hope you’re hungry, Hoboken!

Rosie and Kathy are hanging out and talking about the retreat. There was an old girlfriend of Rosie’s that Kathy didn’t like. Kathy wants Rosie to know that she never had an issue with her being gay; she just didn’t like that girl. Rosie tells her she’s old and alone; so she wants to find the one for her because she’s ready to get out there.

Al and Caroline are having their kids over for dinner at their Hoboken apartment. Al really hates the apartment and is very vocal about that fact. He wants to stay living in their home in Franklin Lakes. They all sit down for dinner and Caroline tells Albie that he needs to stop stressing out and working too hard. She urges him to enjoy life and relax. Albie tells her not to worry, he’s fine and he will continue to work hard to achieve his goals. Christopher says he works at the same place that Albie does and he’s not stressed or over worked at all. He has no idea why Albie puts all that pressure on himself. Caroline proceeds to go on about Albie needing to have fun with life and stop working so much. Al interrupts her and says she sounds like a broken record, he’s got it and tells Caroline to shut the eff up. Then he leaves the dinner table to watch tv. Awkward!

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I just want some freakin’ ziti!

Melissa is getting ready for a photo shoot for her book cover. She says she knows exactly what she wants and that’s to “Melissa-ize” her photo shoot. All she needs is the fan to blow her all over the place and she’ll have her winning shot for her perfect, hot marriage book.

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Here I am! Rock you like a hurricane!

Cut to Joey at his Sizzle Tan billboard shoot and he’s flirting with the model that’s on the shoot with him and she’s very pretty and half Melissa’s age. Maybe that’s how the Gorgas keep their marriage so hot?

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If this chick can drive a Bobcat, cook and likes poison then I’ll take her!

Jac is toy shopping with her son CJ while little Nicholas is at therapy. It looks like they’re having a great time spending time together. Then Teresa calls to organize their sit down. Jac invites her over to talk. Teresa declines and tells her the last time she did that she got ambushed on Jac’s deck and suggests a neutral place. Jac agrees to a restaurant and says she just wants their meeting to be civil.

Rosie, Richie, Kathy, Joey and Melissa all go out to a lesbian bar for single’s night. Everyone works the room to try to find Rosie a girl. Melissa finds some swingers and appears to be very excited about it. Richie actually finds a nice, pretty lady. Rosie sits down with her and they talk for a while. Rosie is all over the place talking about  her head problems, Kathy’s desserts and fried green tomatoes. The girl finally gets up and tells Rosie she will call her and she gets the hell outta there!

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Is Mark Cuban for realz?

Albie is talking to Caroline back at the apartment. He shares with her that he has always felt that he’s under pressure as the oldest to be a success and work hard. He can’t help it. He also tells Caroline that he’s worried about their marriage because her and Al are always arguing or hardly together. Caroline reassures Albie that she still likes his dad and Albie asks if they even know each other or have any hobbies together. Caroline basically tells him that’s none of her business and not to worry about it.

Melissa and company are in the car on the way home from the bar. She busts into a lame rap about everyone in the car. Drunk much?

Caroline comes over to Jac and Chris’ house to discuss how Jac should make up with Teresa. Jac says it’s frustrating because Teresa never takes accountability for her actions.

The Giudice family are in the car and all busting on Gia for wearing too much lipstick and for kissing her boyfriend. Juicy tells them all to settle down or no one’s going to the mall. Then they notice Joey’s Sizzle Tan billboard on the side of the highway. Milania thinks it gross because Joey’s isn’t wearing a shirt. Juicy thinks the billboard is dumb because he didn’t think guys fake tanned. Hello? We’re in Jersey! Duh!

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Don’t make me turn this car around!

Joey takes his family to see his billboard and he’s very proud of it. Gino, their oldest son says to him, “Congratulations, stupid!” Melissa gets on his case by telling him that’s not how he should talk to his daddy and Gino says, “It’s just a billboard!” and rolls his eyes. Ah kids…

Jac and Chris arrive at the restaurant to meet Teresa and Juicy. She gets nervous while waiting for Teresa and Joe to get there. When the Giudices arrive, Chris and Juicy go to have a drink while the ladies get a table for their pow wow. Teresa starts by telling Jac that she meant it when she told her on their Napa trip that she wanted to make up. Jac asks her then why did she tell Melissa that night that she couldn’t stand her if she wanted to be her friend again? Then Teresa asks her why she broke up her and her brother. They’re off to a good start! Juicy and Chris are kind of getting into it too. Chris wants to know why Juicy didn’t defend him when someone told Joe he was shady. Joe says he doesn’t remember so get over it. Back to Jac and Teresa… Jac calls her a sociopath. Teresa doesn’t know what that is and says Jac is probably one because she tweets like crazy. Ok….  Then Teresa calls Jac evil and Jac says that’s not true because she’s always tried to help her. Teresa tells her that’s what she wants everyone to think, but then she goes behind the scenes and does evil things. Cut to Chris and Juicy and they’re laughing it up over wine and cigars. Teresa asks Jac if she hurt her, Jac says yes and Teresa wants to know how. Maybe Jac will fill us in next week. Until then, thanks for reading!

One thought on “Real Housewives of New Jersey recap: Best Frienemies Forever

  1. GG, LOL at “don’t make me turn this car around.” Actually, all of your captions are HILARIOUS. I laughed my bottom off.

    I can’t believe these people, and after reading the news about Teresa and her Juicy, so sad.

    Like

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