Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Children of the Scorned

The Real Housewives of New Jersey - Season 5

This week’s episode opens with Teresa and Jacqueline’s pow wow which is being continued from last week. Teresa asks Jac how she hurt her. Jac says she didn’t appreciate all the help that she offered to Teresa over the years and she’s also upset about Teresa saying Jac needs to focus more on her autistic son and tweet less. Cut to Juicy Joe and Chris, Juicy is telling a story about the 3 autistic people he knows and says they are very smart. Teresa tells Jac that she’s sorry for all the hard times Jac has had with Nicholas and then Teresa starts crying. Then Jac cries and they’re back to being friends again. Teresa reminds Jac that they were besties for over 10 years and how she’s missed their friendship and phone chats. Teresa tells Jac that she loves her and would never want to hurt her, but she was upset with her and it’s over with now. Teresa says she just wants things to be civil between them when they see each other instead of awkward and tense like it was before when they weren’t getting along. Teresa and Jac head over to Juicy Joe and Chris to have drinks. The guys are surprised that they don’t have any battle wounds and are friends again. The ladies laugh and assure the guys that they’re good and everything went fine. Jac says in her talking head that her and Teresa seem to have peace now, but it will never be like it was. Teresa tells Juicy that she told Jac to quit with the cheating rumors. Jac apologizes to Juicy about it and explains that she was in a bad place when she was spreading that around. Juicy tells Jac that he already forgot about it and they all toast to having selective amnesia.

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Cheers! To what? I don’t remember!

Onto the Manzo boys. Albie and Christopher visit the new and very fancy Blk water headquarters. They discuss how the Lauritas and the Guidices have made up. Then the topic moves to Blk water and their plans which are sell, sell, sell! Chris Laurita is concerned that Albie and Christopher’s restaurant will take precedence over Blk which is their main job. Then there’s a comment made about how Albie and Christopher should think of Blk as their wife and their Little Town restaurant as their mistress. Insinuating that Blk should be their main focus. Chris warns that Blk will operate without them if necessary, but he could really use them; so he’s hoping they can juggle Blk and their restaurant and do a good job with managing both.

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Sooo you’ve been expecting us to do actual work?

Milania and her sisters are playing ball in the house as Gia gets ready for her playdate with her Zio Joey. Gia’s friends are there too and they’re asking her if her mom and uncle are still fighting. Her friends seem to know all about Gia’s family dramz. Now Jacqueline and Kathy are at a lingerie shop gossiping, basically.

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So I was like… then she was all… and now we’re friends!

Kathy says to Jac that last week it seemed like her and Teresa hated each other and now they have made up all the sudden? Then we see Kathy look at Jac with some side eye shade. Then Jac tells Kathy that she’s getting a tummy tuck. This is just too much info for Kathy to compute in one day. Jac complains that she can’t wear certain clothes or a bikini with her stomach looking the way it does; so a tummy tuck is her only option. More side eye shade is thrown by Kathy. Jac continues on about how she’s going to Beverly Hills to see a plastic surgeon a friend recommended and it’s a done deal. Jac also shares that she’s going to get a neck lift too and Kathy’s head is about to explode.

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You’re going to suck what outta your what?

Jac is still talking and she throws in that she can’t ride her husband with her neck fat flopping around; so of course a neck lift is her only choice. Where’s Rosie when you need her and her scotch? Mayday, mayday… we’re going to need a funnel, some masking tape and a potato to make all this neck fat disappear! Help us, please!

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I’m with this lady!

Back to the Giudice home. What are the girls playing anyway? Is that paintball without the paint? Even Teresa gets in on the fun. I would hardly move if my home were made out of marble. You know, because of the fall risk. Or I could insist on being carried around by someone. Hey, maybe that’s why Juicy Joe is so huge; he has to carry his girls around their marble home so they don’t fall on their tushies.

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It’s dangerous chic up in this piece – recognize!

Joey arrives to pick Gia up for go-kart racing. Awe! Teresa says she’s jealous because she wants to go too. As her girls climb on tables and bust the chandelier.

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Yay family, high 5! Up high, down low, too slow… in the hole!

Back to Albie and Christopher. It’s Gregg’s last day in Jersey because he’s moving to San Fransisco for a new job. They’re discussing how everyone wants to say bye to Gregg; so time to throw a party!

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Just a hunch, but I think Gregg’s move is best for everyone.

Cut to Gia and Joey’s playdate. It’s apparently all about Joey wanting to beat a little girl at go-kart racing. Did he just ask her if she enjoyed staring at his ass? Joey doesn’t like to lose and that’s very obvious. Maybe focus more on bonding with your niece. Just a thought… Now Gia sits her Zio Joey down for a coming to Jesus meeting. Gia tells him that she loves her Zia Melissa, but things in their lives were real cool before he married her. Joey tells her not to allow others dictate how she feels about people. Gia says she sees it all first hand and it’s not because of anyone’s influence that she feels the way she does. Then she brings up the example of the Christening when Joey called her mother garbage and said many other awful things right in front of her. Joey tells her that he didn’t know she was standing there. He also tells her that he doesn’t get all maniac for nothing and wants her to know that he’s going to try to be a better person in the future. He lets Gia know that he loves her and her mother. They decide that the next time they come back to the go-kart place that they will invite the rest of the cousins, Juicy and Teresa as well as Melissa. Sounds fun! Everyone is meeting at the Giudices to catch a party bus to attend a Neph Cure zumba charity event. The Walkiles arrive and their daughter Victoria is throwing a lot of side eye shade. Not sure what that’s about, but she is packing some ‘tude! Oh yay, it’s Rosie! This should be a hoot… Juicy is very tickled to see Rosie. It’s nice to see everyone hanging out and getting along again. The Gorgas have arrived too and I swear they have a new vehicle in every episode. I wish I had it like that. New week, new luxury ride! Anyway, also interesting is Melissa’s gold workout vest. Is it solid gold? If you crack it, does chocolate come out? Maybe it’s pleather? Whatever it’s made of; it’s a dumb choice for workout gear.

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I love goooooooold!

Now Jacqueline and Chris have arrived. Yay, kiss, kiss! The party bus gets there moments later and it’s time to load up. Let’s zumba! On the bus Teresa tells everyone that Jac called her a sociopath the other day. Melissa makes the I Know She Didn’t face while Teresa googles what a sociopath means. There’s a stripper pole on the bus and Juicy asks Melissa to get on it one last time. She calls him a son of a bitch; so I think that’s code for no. Then Milania hops on the pole and pretends to be Melissa and then Melissa yells at everyone by calling them a bunch of sons of bitches. Language! We have kids on this bus and they’re working the pole; so put a lid on it!

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That’s funny! I don’t care who you are… lol!

Teresa tells Joey that he never apologized to her then Juicy does a toast to all the sociopaths, scumbags, idiots, butchy boys and to Josephine lol! Everyone laughs in good fun and says they will drink to that!

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Fugetabout it already!

Everyone has arrived at the Neph Cure zumba event. Neph Cure is a cause that Teresa has supported since her days on Celebrity Apprentice. She greets Matthew, the guest of honor and his parents. Matthew is the reason for the fundraiser. There’s no cure yet for his disease; so that’s why Teresa brought her gang there to raise money to help with funding a cure. Onto the Brownstone for Gregg’s going away soiree. Caroline makes a toast. Something about a brass ring… something, something. Then Caroline cries then laughs then laugh cries. Did everybody get that? Good

Bye Gregg! Now Jacqueline is in Beverly Hills and it’s tummy tuck time! Ashlee is there too. I forgot she lived in California. I forgot all about her actually. Oh for the love of neck fat, why is Ashlee doing a talking head?! She’s not a character on the show; so who cares what she thinks! Worse than that though is Jac being inappropriate about why she wants plastic surgery. I’ll spare you… you’re welcome, btw!🙂 Oh no, now CJ is sick and mommy is all the way in Beverly Hills! Enter Aunt Caroline to save the day! She needs a cape, right?

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I have hot flashes hotter than this kid’s forehead. He’s fine!

Cut to Jacqueline, her mom, dad and Ashlee are at a restaurant. Jac orders a round of tequila shots. Her entire party corrects her and asks for a club soda and water with lemon instead. Jac didn’t want to drink alone, but she does! She’s also not supposed to have alcohol or a heavy meal the night before her surgery, but she does that too. Jac wants to know why Ashlee doesn’t want to drink now that she’s of age. Ashlee explains that she has work and other responsibilities; so it’s not worth it for her to drink. Jac takes another shot as she tells Ashlee how she’s grown up and proud of how she’s turned out. Jac’s dad tries to convince her that having plastic surgery isn’t necessary to feel good about yourself. Jac’s mom stays mum and just throws side eye shade instead. Ashlee agrees with her grandfather, but Jac still wants to go through with it. Ew… Jac’s plastic surgeon says that all her fat she wants out is equal to that of what he usually sees on his 60 year old patients. He also says that he hopes that Jac’s not expecting that he’ll be able to suck all that fat out because he won’t. Jac is under anestesia so she’s just going to find out once it’s too late. She does however lose the tattoo she had on her stomach. She got the tattoo when her and Chris were engaged. The surgeon had to cut it out with her tummy tuck. That’s good, right? Yes

Tune in next week when Jan and Penny come back! According to next week’s preview, Jan and Melissa have it out over rumors regarding Melissa and her alleged cheating past. Ooh, juicy! See you then and thanks for reading!

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